


Adventures of Daddy Ned

by Rumpabumbum



Series: Daddies of Westeros [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, game of thrones
Genre: Baby Starks - Freeform, Dad Ned, Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-10-05 01:50:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10294742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rumpabumbum/pseuds/Rumpabumbum
Summary: Raising two daughters couldn't be that different from raising a son, right? Boy was Ned wrong.





	1. Ned and the Emergency Room Trip

The dip  was out, the pizza was piping hot  and the coke was poured. Ned sat back in his chair and relaxed. Of all the football related bets he had ever made, this would be the easiest win. The Stags sucked this year while the Wolves were near perfection. Yet if Robert wanted to lose 100 dollars on the game, Ned would gladly be the benefactor.

               With Cat taking a “me” day and Robb spending the night with the Greyjoys, everything had fallen perfectly into place.

               “Daddy! Daddy!” cried a little voice.

               Ned sighed and pushed himself out of his comfortable spot. He rounded the corner into the playroom. Arya smiled and jumped faster in her jumpy chair when she saw him. Sansa sat in front of her, wearing her princess tiara and pink dress. “Daddy! You have to save me from the monster!” Sansa cried dramatically.

               Ned got on his knees and walked forward. “Where’s the beast?” he asked in his most knight-like voice.

               “There,” Sansa pointed at her sister.

               “Arya’s not a monster. She’s a princess, like you,” Ned said.

               “No she’s not!” Sansa stomped. “She threw her tiara. She’s a monster so you have to slay her.”

               Ned got up and went to Arya. He picked her up as she raised her arms up and squealed. “No monster would be this cute,” he tossed her in the air and caught her. She giggled as he put her back down. “Here. Why don’t you two play dress up or something. Teach her how to be a princess.”

               Sansa’s eyes sparkled. “Okay daddy!”

               Ned turned to walk away.

               “Wait!” Sansa yelled. Ned turned back around. Sansa ran up to him and tugged on his pants. He picked her up and she wrapped her little arms around his neck and kissed his hairy cheek. “All good knights get a kiss.”

               Ned smiled and put her back down. “Teach her how to be a proper princess.”

               Thirty minutes into the game left Ned stunned. His Wolves were imploding. This was worst than a slow start this was…this was…he couldn’t even think of a word to fit it. 34-2? After a quarter? He had chucked his phone at the floor after Robert texted him a series of snobby emojis.

               “No Arya! That’s not food! It makes you pretty!” Sansa yelled in the other room.

               The girls! Ned jumped from his chair and ran, nearly tripping over Herbert, Catelyn’s beast of a Chihuahua.

               His mouth dropped when he saw the state of the playroom. Somehow Sansa had managed to find Cat’s make up and had proceeded to use it on Arya. Arya was caked with blush on her cheeks and blue eye shadow painted just under her eyebrows. There was some sort of cream on her chin and her mouth looked like a vampire’s.

               Sansa turned her head and grinned at him. She had a layer of blush across her own cheeks, but that was it. “Look daddy! I made Arya a pretty princess!”

               “Where did you get this?” he asked. Stupid question.

               “Mommy’s bathroom. She uses it to look like a pretty princess too,” Sansa giggled.

               Just relax. Get the girls cleaned up, vacuum up the powder and it will all be fine. Cat will never have to know.

               Ned bent down and picked up the lipstick tube at his feet. Teeth marks had dug into it and it looked as though it had been chewed. “What happened to this?”

               “Arya ate it. She thought it was food,” Sansa said.

               Ned rushed over to Arya. He made her open her mouth, which she cried about. There was no getting that backed. His eyes darted back and forth as he scanned the label on the tube until he found the warning label. “Not for Consumption.”

               “What the matter daddy?” Sansa asked.

               He has to think. “Sansa, go get your shoes on. We’re going to go for a ride.”

               “To where?” Sansa asked. “Is it ice cweem?”

               “Sure, yeah,” Ned didn’t pay attention as he picked up Arya. She seemed okay so far.

               Sansa squealed and ran out to get her velcro strapped sandles. Ned grabbed Arya’s diaper bag and the keys off the hook. He opened the door and Sansa ran out to the car, jumping in excitement.

               Ned slid open the van door. Sansa climbed in and got into her booster seat as Ned buckled Arya into her car seat. Arya cooed and grabbed at his beard. “Ow! Arya let go,” he tried not to yell at her.

               Sansa clapped her hands. “I want chocolate. No, I want nilla.” She gasped, “I want chocolate and nilla.”

               Ned made sure she was buckled in before slamming the door and getting in the driver’s seat. It was a short distance to the urgent care, but it felt like forever. Sansa babbled about princesses and horses while Arya cooed and occasionally threw out her own words like “Sasa” and “Dada”.

               He rushed them inside and went straight to the nurse’s station at the urgent care. “My daughter. She ate something she shouldn’t have,” he panted.

               The nurse raised an eyebrow. “Was it a chemical like a cleaning agent? Or poisonous?”

               “I-I don’t know. It was lipstick,” Ned explained.

               Sansa waddled around at his feet. Arya was getting antsy in his arms.

               The nurse pulled out a clipboard. “Fill this out. The doctor will see you shortly.” How could she speak so calmly?

               He took the clipboard and sat in one of the waiting room chairs. Sansa sat quietly in the chair next to him, trying to read a book. Except it was upside down, so she mostly tried to comprehend the bizarre pictures.

               “What’s her birthday?” Ned whispered to himself. It was the 30th right? That was Cat’s. The 8th? No. There was something important happening on the 8th. Focus Ned!

               Tired of trying to act grown up, Sansa started making funny faces at Arya. It wasn’t princess-like, but it always made her sister laugh. Sometimes princesses should act silly.

               Arya giggled. “Sasa! Sasa pllll.”

               “Stark,” a doctor kindly called. Ned’s head jerked up. He signed his name at the bottom of the form and picked up Arya’s car seat. Sansa dawdled along after him. The doctor led them back to one of the children’s offices. Colorful dinosaurs lined the yellow walls. There was a stack of children’s books next to the exam table.

               “What do we have here?” the doctor asked.

               Ned picked up Arya out of her car seat.

               “I’m Sansa. I’m thwee years old. This is my baby sister Arya. She’s 1.” Sansa held up her fingers to illustrate the exact ages.

               Only then did Ned realize the girls were still wearing Cat’s make up. They looked like a clown show.

               The doctor smiled at Sansa. “That’s quite impressive.”

               “My daughter, Arya, she ate some lipstick. I didn’t know what else to do,” Ned explained.

               The doctor turned her polite smile onto him. “Don’t fret Mr. Stark. You’d be surprised by how often things like this happen.” She held out her hands to take Arya, then cradled her. “Let’s check a couple little things.”

               The doctor poked and prodded at Arya. When she started crying, Ned worried that something was horribly wrong. The doctor didn’t panic though. “Everything seems okay. I want an ultrasound just to make sure though.”

               The doctor stepped out, taking Arya with her.

               Sansa climbed onto Ned’s lap. “Daddy what’s an ulta sound?”

               “It’s where they put some gel on your tummy to look inside.” Ned said.

               Sansa’s eyes widened. “They can see inside her?”

               Ned nodded.

               “Can they see inside me?” Sansa asked.

               Ned shook his head. “You don’t need to. They just want to see the lipstick.”

               “The lipstick’s not in Arya’s tummy though,” Sansa said.

               “It’s not?” Ned asked.

               “Arya threw it,” Sansa swung her legs back and forth over the edge of Ned’s knee.

               Ned looked up at the ceiling and groaned. Fifty dollars wasted.

               The doctor returned and said all was well with Arya. Ned decided not to tell her everything had apparently been fine all along. He got the girls buckled in the car again and headed off.

               “Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!” Sansa chanted.

               “No Sansa, it’s too close to dinner time,” Ned said.

               “You said ice cream though!” Sansa pouted.

               The girl could remember ice cream but not her own middle name.

               Sansa began chanting again. Arya patted her hands against her legs to the beat. After three minutes of this Ned gave in. He was already in trouble, what was a little ice cream going to do?

               He got peanut butter-banana milkshake for himself and a chocolate-vanilla cone for Sansa.  Arya was content enough that Sansa was content.

               He pulled up to the driveway. Catelyn wasn’t back yet. Thank the Old Gods. He got the girls inside  and took them straight to the bathroom to clean up their faces. After sitting them down to watch some TV he picked up the mess in the playroom.

               As he closed the cabinet door in the bathroom, he heard the door open. Sansa’s excited calls of “Mummy, mummy!” alerted him to get down stairs. Ned ran quietly to the stairs and walked down them casually.

               He kissed Catelyn on the cheek. “Welcome back. How was “Cat” day.”

               “It was wonderful. It’s amazing what a little time in a sauna can do. You should try it sometime Ned,” Catelyn smiled. She carried her purse into the kitchen then stopped. “Ned, why is Herbert wearing my lipstick?”


	2. Ned and the Haircuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa 3 3/4, Arya 1.5

 

                “NED!!!” Catelyn screamed.

                Ned darted out of the shower and barely managed to wrap a towel around himself before Catelyn stormed in carrying Arya in her arms and Sansa running behind her to keep up with her. She had just gotten home from grocery shopping. Ned had hopped into the shower while Arya napped after they got back from getting haircuts.

                “What’s wrong?” Ned asked confused.

                “I asked you to get the girls a simple haircut,” Catelyn huffed.

                “And…?” That’s exactly what he’d done.

                “A simple haircut does not mean cutting nearly a foot of Sansa’s hair!” she gestured to Sansa’s new chin-length cut.

                “You didn’t say to keep it long. Besides, she still looks cute,” Ned argued.

                “And what is this?” she holds up the tiny ponytail in Arya’s hair.

                “The guys at the barber shop thought it looked cool,” Ned was starting to get cold with the door still open.

                “Because it looks like that mess you put in your hair when you work out!”

                Ned stepped closer. “It looks cute Cat. And the girls love their new haircuts, don’t you girls?”

                Arya clapped her hands, but Sansa shrugged. “I liked my hair long. Jeyne’s mommy said it was the most bootiful hair she ever see’ed.”

                Cat’s eyes widened as if that made her point. Ned smiled down at Sansa. “Well that’s the good thing about hair. It grows back. And your hair is still very beautiful, Sansa. Just like your mum’s.” He kissed Catelyn. Catelyn backed away, but this time she was smiling. “You’re still wet Ned. Get dried off.”

                “I can’t get dressed with an audience,” he joked.

                Catelyn rolled her eyes. “Want to get a snack Sansa? You can share the last lemon cake with Robb.”

                “Lemon cake! Lemon cake!” Sansa shouted. She ran out of the room as Catelyn called for Robb to turn off the tv and get snack.

 

 

                “There. We. Are.” Said Ned as he finished pulling back Sansa’s hair. “Don’t you like your hair like that?”

                “It looks like your hair,” Sansa giggled.

                “I know. You’re daddy’s little princess.”

                Sansa squealed when Ned picked her up and “flew” her around the room. He put her back down and picked up Arya out of her play pin. “Want to watch TV?”

                “Says me street!” Sansa cried.

Arya grabbed for his beard and tugged. He unfastened Arya’s grip before she could yank out a handful of hair. “Okay. Robb do you want to watch Sesame street with us?”

Robb’s eyes are glued to the TV. His fascination with basketball was almost frightening. He slowly shook his head.

“Alright son. We’ll be downstairs then.”

He took the girls down stairs. Sansa sat in the middle of the floor, right in front of the blank TV.

“Scoot back Sans. You know what mum says.”

Sansa pushed herself back two more feet. Ned picked up the remote and turned on the TV, then changed the channel to Sesame Street.

He sat in his big recliner and kicked up the foot stool. He situated Arya in his arms and watched. Sansa sang along with the songs, but Ned was quickly losing focus and eventually fell asleep.

He woke up to see Catelyn standing over him taking a picture.

“This will be my new profile picture I think,”Catelyn said.

Ned knitted his eyebrows together and reached up. He felt random hairs sticking up in bunches. He reached down to the base and felt a twisted  hair tie. “What the-?”

Catelyn picked up a startled and crying Arya out of his lap. Ned sat up and pulled tie after tie out of his hair. “Did you do this?”

“I just got home and found you like this. I must say it’s an improvement over that blasted thing you usually wear.” Catelyn bounced Arya on her knee as she continued to cry.

“Sansa!” he yelled. Arya cried louder.

“Ned! Volume!” Catelyn scolded.

Sansa stomped down the stairs. “Yes daddy?”

“Did you do this to my hair?” he pointed to the mess.

She giggled and ran down the rest of the steps and into his lap. “Yes! Mummy says they’re pretties! I wanted to make your hair more pretty! Do you like it?”

Ned peered over her shoulder. Catelyn was smiling and nodding, urging him on. Ned looked back at Sansa’s expectant face. “I love it sweetheart.”

Sansa wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek. “I knew you would daddy I knew it!”


	3. Ned and the Pillow Fort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arya is 4, Sansa is 7, Robb is 10, Bran is 2.

As always, Ned was minding his own business, looking at this week’s payroll when the cry came.

“Daaaddddddyyyy!!!!” Arya wailed.

Ned sighed and pushed himself out of his recliner. He barely missed stepping on the deaf and nearly blind Herbert who made his bed next to the chair. Arya sat in the middle of the floor behind two toppled over pillows, arms crossed in her lap and a scowl on her face. 

“What’s the matter sweetheart?” Ned asked.

“Sassa knocked over the castle,” Arya pouted.

“Sansa,” Ned boomed.

“I didn’t do it, daddy,” Sansa defended herself the moment she walked in the room.

“Sansa, be honest. Did you knock over Arya’s tower…thing?” Ned wore his best dad stare.

Sansa looked at the ground. “No…Robb did. But it was for a good reason.”

Ned crossed the room and stood over Sansa. “That was not nice. You need to apologize.”

“Arya does too! She cut off the hair on all my dollies!” Sansa pointed at her little sister.

“Sansa…” Ned started. Sansa raced out of the room. A moment later she returned holding two dolls, both missing patches of hair. 

“See daddy! She’s a monster! A tiny, mean monster!” Sansa shouted.

Ned took one of the dolls from her. It was a ghastly sight. Still, Arya was only four. “We can buy you another.”

“I don’t want another. I want a cell phone,” Sansa retorted. 

He was not about to have this conversation without Catelyn. Mostly because he knew he would give in if she wasn’t there. “How about we make a pillow fort?”

Arya squealed and jumped up. “Pillow fort! What’s a pillow fort?”

“It’s what you were making before sweetheart. But now it will be cooler.”

“But daddy, mum said-” Sansa tugged on his arm.

“Don’t worry about mum,” Ned hushed her with a pat on the head.

*******************

He was quite proud of his work. It required 40 pillows, but the girls seemed to love the drawbridge and arrow slit accessories. Even Robb took a break from his video games to help Arya be the dragons Ned had to fight off to save the princess Sansa. 

“Daddy more pillows!” Arya commanded after he had “slain” her.

“Yeah daddy, more pillows!” Sansa agreed with her sister. He should have recorded the moment, because it may never happen again.

“We don’t have anymore.” Ned laughed.

They key in the door knob jingled. Herbert yipped as the door shut again.

“I know they’re around here somewhere,” Catelyn murmured. Her voice grew closer. “Robb, girls, Ned,-oh!” Catelyn turned the corner with Bran in her arms. Her mouth dropped. Behind her, Hoster Tully and Catelyn’s brother Edmure towered over her.

Arya scrambled out from the drawbridge. “Un-cal Edmure!” She ran into her uncle’s arms. He lifted her up high. 

“My you’ve grown,” he chuckled.

“Grandpa! Grandpa!” Sansa ran up and hugged him, not caring that she was walking all over her princess dress.

Ned smiled broadly until he saw Catelyn glowering at him. Her hand on her hip and her head tilted in criticism. He knew he had it coming now, but gods did she look beautiful when she was mad.

“Girls why don’t show grandpa and Uncle Edmure the game room. Maybe you can drag Robb off that blasted x-box,” Catelyn said.

“The new one?” Edmure asked excitedly. 

“Uh huh. We got it three months ago,” Arya grabbed his head and led the way. Edmure practically skipped.

The room cleared and Ned was left to face his wife alone. 

“What on Earth Ned?!” Catelyn shifted Bran in her arms. he was a heavy sleeper.

“It was the girls’ idea,” Ned backed away.

“It was the girls’ idea to go to the basement and use the pillows my grandmother hand sew for a… pillow castle?” Catelyn gestured at the mess.

“Pillow fort,” Ned corrected. Her glare shut him up.

“You knew my father was coming today! I told you specificallyt to keep the house clean!” Catelyn hissed.

“I did! Every other room is spotless!” Ned argued.

“Well you can meditate on that while you clean up this mess,” Catelyn stomped followed after her father and brother.

Ned bent down to pick up the first pillow. It was one of Cat’s grandmothers. He flipped it over and noticed a slight tear in it. He hoped Edmure would be willing to share the couch tonight, because there was no way Cat was letting him sleep in the bed.


End file.
